Thursday, June 16, 2011

Doomsday is nigh again...OOOOOOOOOPS



I was personally looking forward for the apocalypse. I had my bags packed. (As they always are.) The new date: September 21, 2023. Harold Camping has predicted the Rapture a third time. 0 for 2 but he's 90 something and 0 for 3 is worth a try. Yet no matter how it goes he will be dead in a few years at the most. Therefore he could give a shit if he is wrong again. How long does the world really have to ridicule his old crazy ass? He will likely get a lttle, short dirt nap before long, then digging out of a six foot grave and yearning protein. But hey, maybe he's figured out the Zombie Aopcalypse pandemic outbreak date in his bible code. Now that's a rapture indeed!

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Beware of Cardboard Boxes




Stay vigilant, the CDC experiments daily on the homeless. Zombie hobos could break free from Atlanta cells anytime. Beware of cardboard boxes!

Monday, May 23, 2011

Official CDC Zombie Outbreak Laymen's Cut

Social Media: Preparedness 101: Zombie Apocalypse

The following was originally posted on CDC Public Health Matters Blog on May 16th, 2011 by Ali S. Khan.



There are all kinds of emergencies out there that we can prepare for. Take a zombie apocalypse for example. That’s right, I said z-o-m-b-i-e a-p-o-c-a-l-y-p-s-e. You may laugh now, but when it happens you’ll be happy you read this, and hey, maybe you’ll even learn a thing or two about how to prepare for a real emergency.

A Brief History of Zombies
We’ve all seen at least one movie about flesh-eating zombies taking over (my personal favorite is Resident Evil), but where do zombies come from and why do they love eating brains so much? The word zombie comes from Haitian and New Orleans voodoo origins. Although its meaning has changed slightly over the years, it refers to a human corpse mysteriously reanimated to serve the undead. Through ancient voodoo and folk-lore traditions, shows like the Walking Dead were born.



A couple dressed as zombies - Danny Zucco and Sandy Olsson from the movie Grease walking in the annual Toronto Zombie Walk.
In movies, shows, and literature, zombies are often depicted as being created by an infectious virus, which is passed on via bites and contact with bodily fluids. Harvard psychiatrist Steven Scholzman wrote a (fictional) medical paper on the zombies presented in Night of the Living Dead and refers to the condition as Ataxic Neurodegenerative Satiety Deficiency Syndrome caused by an infectious agent. The Zombie Survival Guide identifies the cause of zombies as a virus called solanum. Other zombie origins shown in films include radiation from a destroyed NASA Venus probe (as in Night of the Living Dead), as well as mutations of existing conditions such as prions, mad-cow disease, measles and rabies.

The rise of zombies in pop culture has given credence to the idea that a zombie apocalypse could happen. In such a scenario zombies would take over entire countries, roaming city streets eating anything living that got in their way. The proliferation of this idea has led many people to wonder “How do I prepare for a zombie apocalypse?”

Well, we’re here to answer that question for you, and hopefully share a few tips about preparing for real emergencies too!

Better Safe than Sorry



Some of the supplies for your emergency kit.
So what do you need to do before zombies…or hurricanes or pandemics for example, actually happen? First of all, you should have an emergency kit in your house. This includes things like water, food, and other supplies to get you through the first couple of days before you can locate a zombie-free refugee camp (or in the event of a natural disaster, it will buy you some time until you are able to make your way to an evacuation shelter or utility lines are restored). Below are a few items you should include in your kit, for a full list visit the CDC Emergency page.
•Water (1 gallon per person per day)
•Food (stock up on non-perishable items that you eat regularly)
•Medications (this includes prescription and non-prescription meds)
•Tools and Supplies (utility knife, duct tape, battery powered radio, etc.)
•Sanitation and Hygiene (household bleach, soap, towels, etc.)
•Clothing and Bedding (a change of clothes for each family member and blankets)
•Important documents (copies of your driver’s license, passport, and birth certificate to name a few)
•First Aid supplies (although you’re a goner if a zombie bites you, you can use these supplies to treat basic cuts and lacerations that you might get during a tornado or hurricane)

Once you’ve made your emergency kit, you should sit down with your family and come up with an emergency plan. This includes where you would go and who you would call if zombies started appearing outside your door step. You can also implement this plan if there is a flood, earthquake, or other emergency.


Family members meeting by their mailbox. You should pick two meeting places, one close to your home and one farther away.
1.Identify the types of emergencies that are possible in your area. Besides a zombie apocalypse, this may include floods, tornadoes, or earthquakes. If you are unsure contact your local Red Cross chapter for more information.
2.Pick a meeting place for your family to regroup in case zombies invade your home…or your town evacuates because of a hurricane. Pick one place right outside your home for sudden emergencies and one place outside of your neighborhood in case you are unable to return home right away.
3.Identify your emergency contacts. Make a list of local contacts like the police, fire department, and your local zombie response team. Also identify an out-of-state contact that you can call during an emergency to let the rest of your family know you are ok.
4.Plan your evacuation route. When zombies are hungry they won’t stop until they get food (i.e., brains), which means you need to get out of town fast! Plan where you would go and multiple routes you would take ahead of time so that the flesh eaters don’t have a chance! This is also helpful when natural disasters strike and you have to take shelter fast.

Never Fear – CDC is Ready



Get a Kit, Make a Plan, Be Prepared
If zombies did start roaming the streets, CDC would conduct an investigation much like any other disease outbreak. CDC would provide technical assistance to cities, states, or international partners dealing with a zombie infestation. This assistance might include consultation, lab testing and analysis, patient management and care, tracking of contacts, and infection control (including isolation and quarantine). It’s likely that an investigation of this scenario would seek to accomplish several goals: determine the cause of the illness, the source of the infection/virus/toxin, learn how it is transmitted and how readily it is spread, how to break the cycle of transmission and thus prevent further cases, and how patients can best be treated. Not only would scientists be working to identify the cause and cure of the zombie outbreak, but CDC and other federal agencies would send medical teams and first responders to help those in affected areas (I will be volunteering the young nameless disease detectives for the field work).

To learn more about what CDC does to prepare for and respond to emergencies of all kinds, visit:
http://emergency.cdc.gov/cdc/orgs_progs.asp

To learn more about how you can prepare for and stay safe during an emergency visit:
http://emergency.cdc.gov/

To download a badge like the one above that you can add to your social networking profile, blog, website, or email signature visit:
http://emergency.cdc.gov/socialmedia/zombies.asp

Know Your Doom

Doomsday is nigh! - read the sandwich placards marching along major US city sidewalks. (Paraphrasing the wording not the meaning.) On May 21, 2011, some believed, although most joked, that the rature was going to happen that Saturday at 6pm eastern time-ish. Obviously since I'm writing this, the world's over 2 billion Christians did not ascend the holy tractor beam into Jesus' orbiting starship. Everything is back to normal except for broke zealots that made the wrong bet with their bank accounts. Back to normal or is it?

Let's not talk religion and cryptic, archaic prophecy. Let's not speak of the ancient/future, mayan long-count and their cycical view of time. Their nonlinear Doomsday on 12/21/12, that we have little insight into because the Church had their books burned centuries ago was obviouslywrong yet we misunderstood it was a cyclicalcalendar at the time. (Believe as I do or die and all your goods, land, and culture will be forfiet, razed, or aquired in name of ordained justice.) Oops I'm rambling. Get used to it.

Let's get down to the meat of the science/tech-age armageddon, with a high chance of our own creation seeing genocide. The Zombie Apocalyse. From here on "zombie apocalypse" will become ZA to save on unneeded neuronal rapport. I will tell you my theories on this recent, possibly impending, fight for survival. I will teach you the skills you need to save yourself along with any you are responsible for. I don't claim to know the future, or everything about zombies, but I'd like to think I am always prepared to survive what external sources throw at me. Stick with me and you will be able to handle yourself as long as you don't become undead in the original pandemic. In which case if we meet, you will receive a greeting from my shovel. It would be too hard emotionally to feel remorse for your redeath, but know I would be of a routine to make a conscious effort to dispatch all as quickly and with the least movements possible.

CDC next! Don't forget, you must destroy the brains of zombies. Don't get lulled into wasting bullets on center-mass chest shots. In case the flesh eating starts before my next update, I will leave you with this fundamental zombie safety tip: A Head shot is a Dead shot. This tip will save your life. If you know their leaknesses you can exploit them.